Confessions
by purplecrown14
Summary: harry and draco are sort of friends with benefits until harry realizes he wants more. this is a repost. and some of the mistakes have been fixed but I have no beta so yeah. but anyway, people seemed to like it before so here it is.


**AN: This was posted before but my summary had the word 'fuck' in it so it got taken down. just thought i'd publish it again because i think people liked it. i made some changes so it's not nearly as terrible as it was before.**

"Draco, I think I love you. No, I know I love you." Harry opened his eyes and stared into the silver ones that looked back, now terrified. The hands that he was holding slipped out of his grip limply and dropped to the other man's side. Draco closed his eyes and took a tiny step back, erecting an invisible wall between them that seemed impenetrable to Harry. Draco began shaking his head, his white blond hair swaying with the motion.

"Harry, I, I don't know what to say. I just, I think I need some time to think." He took another step backwards; Harry lifted his arms to pull him back in, but to no avail. The former Slytherin flinched at the touch and then turned and walked away, his body stiff.

"Draco, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have, shouldn't have said anything. I just, love you. Truly. You need time to think, I understand, just know that I will always be here for you, even if you don't love me back. Owl me?" Draco made no move to indicate he had heard Harry and kept walking down the dark street. Harry blew him a kiss and apparted away.

Draco was in shock. Deep down somewhere, he knew he loved Harry back, but there was that nagging feeling that he couldn't. He couldn't love Harry. He was not made for that. He was brought up to marry some pureblood witch who his parents chose for him and produce an heir for the Malfoy line. He was not supposed to love or fall in love. He was supposed to fall into a routine of regular meaningless fucking and taking care of his job and family, enlarging the Malfoy fortune and holding gigantic parties for important people that he honestly couldn't care less about.

He and Harry had been "seeing" each other for about two years, though it was more like random sex whenever they needed to release the tension or were just horny. For all he knew, Harry had multiple partners or even a girlfriend. They never actually talked, so he didn't know much about the Golden Boy other than was in the paper, not that he paid much attention to the articles though. Draco never settled down himself, putting off the arranged marriage for as long as he could remember.

He went to bars and occasionally took someone home, but they were incomparable to Harry. He was just so_ good_. In every way. Every touch, moan, sigh, that obnoxious curl that was always in the way, and those huge gorgeous green eyes. It was like Draco was looking at an angel when he saw Harry- every single time. Draco loved to see him fall apart with ecstasy when they were together. He loved how Harry could just be Harry and let go, like he had no care in the world; no worries, responsibilities or anything. Just them.

When they had picked up their clothes from the piles on the floor after that night. The one where Harry said he loved Draco, Draco remembered checking him out as he bent down to pick up his shirt. _Beautiful_, Draco had thought to himself. But now he had no idea what to think.

Harry _loved_ him? Was that even possible? No one could ever love a Malfoy, that's what he'd been told. They were freaks of nature, with their silvery blond hair and lightning eyes. They were way too fancy, spent too much money, were terrible to anyone who was not a pureblood, and sneered at anyone who crossed their path. They were Death Eaters or emphasizers of them, therefore, evil beings who deserved to rot in the moldy cells of Azkaban or be tortured for life, or both. They were proud, unforgiving creatures that did what they wanted when they wanted to, no questions asked.

The Malfoys were powerful and weak at the same time. Though they had much influence, a lot of it drained away during the war and afterward. Draco had a terrifying experience while trying to get a job, before having Harry step in to help him, promising sexual favors later that evening when he refused the charity. Harry had been the foundation that Draco built his life on after the war. Harry had testified on Draco's behalf in the trials, helped him get a job, found a house for him to rent until he got full possession of the Malfoy Manor, and allowed Draco to fuck him or the other way around, depending on his mood. The past two years had been stressful, yes, but also the best of Draco's life. Draco knew he needed Harry, but love? That was extremely scary to him. He'd never loved anyone before, ever. Not his parents, or his godfather, or even group of school "friends" who really just followed him around.

Three weeks after that night, Draco sat at his desk with his feet up on it and his hands behind his neck. His eyebrows scrunched as he forced his mind to think. He had not seen or heard from Harry since then, not that he had expected him to. They rarely talked, only sending owls to each other when they wanted to realse tension, which was fine, until now. If Harry loved him, he would want to talk to him and cuddle with him and make them go shopping together. They would go out for dinner and go back to one of their houses and spend the night wrapped in each other's arms, chatting softly.

That sounded perfect- too perfect and Draco didn't think he could handle it. What did he and Harry have in common anyway? It would be awkward, he was sure of it, and most definitely humiliating. But they needed to talk. Going against his train of thought, Draco picked up a quill and scrawled a note to Harry and then called his owl over.

Several minutes later, Draco relaxed back to his former position, and sighed, pushing the air out of his mouth and ruffling a lose piece of hair. In only seconds, Helga, the owl Harry got after Hedwig was taken from him, flew through the open window and deposited a piece of parchment on the desk and then flew away.

_Draco,_

_Meet me tonight. 7:30._

_Harry_

Draco crumpled up the parchment and threw it into the small fire in the fireplace. There was nothing he could do now other than go and see Harry and spill his heart out to him before walking away. This would be the last time he ever went to see Harry, he decided. There was nothing he could do about it.

Hours later Draco stood in front of the ceiling high mirror in his room. He was wearing black pants, tight purple striped shirt, and his favorite dragon hide boots. Grabbing his leather jacket as he walked out the door, he constantly went over what he was going to say in his head. Repeating it over and over, memorizing.

They were meeting at Harry's house, as usual, but this time it was different. They weren't going to go immediately upstairs and mess around. They were going to stay downstairs and talk and then Draco was going to leave, hoping he wasn't hurting Harry too much. This was going to be difficult one of the hardest things Draco had ever had to do, but he was sure he was strong enough and Slytherin enough to get through it without completely losing it.

As he stood at the front door, he twisted his fingers together and nervously reached forward to press a long finger to the doorbell. Before he could, the door flew open and Harry pulled him inside, hugging him.

"I love you." Harry whispered as he placed soft kisses on Draco's neck, his cheeks, his ears.

But as he got to Draco's lips, "Potter- Harry! Stop it!" Draco pushed Harry away and turned back to close the door. When he faced Harry again, he saw the arms awaiting him and took a step back, pressing his back against the door. Silence bestowed itself on them as they stared at each other until Draco opened his mouth again, "We need to talk. An actual talk." Harry just nodded trying to hide the disapointment in his eyes and walked to the living room. Draco had been in there once, he had been too horny to wait until he got upstairs and had basically attacked Harry on the couch.

They sat on the floor. Draco cross-legged, and Harry with his legs open and stretched out, leaning back on the palms of his hands. Draco looked down at his lap, trying to convince himself he was doing the right thing for everyone.

"Listen, Harry, you keep saying you love me. We never talk or hang out or anything, all we do is, well all we do is fuck and then leave. How, _why_ do you love me?" Harry closed his eyes and leaned forward, moving his hands in front of him.

"Draco, I, I honestly don't know. When we fuck, it doesn't feel like just fucking, it feels better, stronger, more real. I used to go to out to bars when you weren't available, but I haven't gone for about a year and a half. But those men barely made an impression on me. They meant nothing to me at all and I only want you. I love your expressions when you let yourself go, the way you just let go of everything when we're together, like you're free.

"When you say my name, I, my heart, I just get this feeling like I'm flying. You know how sometimes we just lie in bed and just kindabask in the glow? I always just want to touch you. You know, like, run my hand through your hair or down your stomach or something, not just in a sexual way but also just to touch.

"When we aren't together, I think about you, all the time. I wonder about you and what you do with your life and if you're seeing someone or even if you're married. I want to know everything about you. The kind of tea you like in the morning- with milk or sugar or both, to the way you brush your teeth at night. I want to be able to hold you, to have you tucked into my arms or vise versa. Just to feel you close.

"I don't care when or where, just us together would make me happier than I've been in my life, I know it. When you walk out the door, or just leave, I can feel my heart crying out for me to grab you and make you stay. I don't want to just see you occasionally; I want to see you every day- in the morning at night, after work, anytime. The simplest way I can put all this _stuff_ is that I love you." Harry opened his eyes and stared into Draco's, which were wide and shining, glazed over with emotion. He reached out a tentative hand and touched Draco's arms lightly.

Draco brought his own hand up to Harry's hand and captured it. It was a while before either of them spoke.

"When I came here, I was expecting to know what to say. I planned out a whole monologue, but now, I don't even know what to say. What you just said, I feel exactly the same way, about you. It's just that I'm a Malfoy, you know that. I'm not supposed to love anyone or anything. I can't love you. I'm very sorry. I wish it could be different and I want to let you love me, but I just can't. I'm so sorry. So, so, so sorry." Draco began to stand up, not daring to look at Harry.

"No. No, Draco, you aren't leaving me again. I won't let you." Harry jumped up and grabbed Draco, pulling him closer. Draco stared to struggle and pulled free. Harry grabbed him and maneuvered to them forcefully onto the couch.

Draco was not one to cry, especially in the presence of others, but this time he couldn't stop himself. The tears spilled out onto Harry's shirt as he rocked them back and forth. Harry laid kisses on Draco's exposed skins and Draco's cries eventually subsided.

"I, I should go. You won't be bothered by me again." Draco stood up and made it to the door before Harry tackled him to the floor.

"You are not leaving me I swear, Draco, you don't have to say you love me; you can call me names, and hex me. You can tell me hate me, you can cut me, hit me, punch me, bite me, but nothing would hurt me more than you walking out that door. Please, let me love you. Please, Draco." Draco allowed him self to fall back on onto the body that he was sitting on. "Come one, let's eat dinner. It's quite good actually, I'll have you know. You've never tasted my food before, but I hope you'll like it. Well, I don't really know what you like, but I guessed..."

Draco wasn't really paying attention to Harry's jumbled words as he stood up and carried Draco into the kitchen, blabbing about food. He was watching the way those red lips moved and suddenly thought that Harry was talking too much. Draco arched his neck up and placed a tiny kiss on Harry's lips and them pulled back. Harry dragged them together and attacked Draco's mouth, leaving them both breathless a few minutes later. Draco pressed his forehead to Harry's.

"Harry, I think I can do this. I'll try, I really want to, but please , understand that this is very hard for me" Harry nodded at Draco's words and laced his hands through Draco's. Draco looked at their hands and then up again at Harry and nodded back. They smiled together and began their meal.


End file.
